I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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