Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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