No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MIDGETS
????
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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