eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
