Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
