He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize