Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You took a bar mat shot.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He? As in you personified your dick?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
