Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize