there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
