I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
