so explain again why im purple
no
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
