So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He did a backflip because drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
