I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
