Kiss
Puke
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize