my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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