Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
