Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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