Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
