FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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