It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
