I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
