It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
