i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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