He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
