Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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