I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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