and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
