Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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