There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
