Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
