how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
