i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
