she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
