I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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