Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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