he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
