dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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