love makes seman taste better
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
