READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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