Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
