I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Quick, to the slutcave!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
