Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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