On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this boner is exhausting
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize