Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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