You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize