ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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