I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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