I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am one with the molecules
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
