What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm jealous of your bromance
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
