I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
