and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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