matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
