Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
