oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
