Your tits are I can't wait for
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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