He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
