I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
