Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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