good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
