She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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