just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
