Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
