Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
