The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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