College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
