I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
