Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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