I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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