My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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