Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
