I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
